Intimacy after stoma surgery

In my two decades of being diagnosed with crohns disease I have faced and had a lot of surgery. Ill be honest, Intimacy was not the first thing on my mind after stoma formation!! I was more focused on recovery.

First stoma

Things were pretty dire after my first stoma formation. As well as a stoma, I had an open wound, I was attached to a Vac machine for close to a year, I also had a hickman line for close to nine month.

It took a good two years for my open wound to close. Intimacy then was the last thing on my mind, I had a young baby to look after as well as recovering from a three month stint in hospital. It took me a long time to even feel remotely attractive. It was close to six months post operative that I attempted sex, I wasnt ready and I had to ask to stop!!! In time the Intimacy came back into play, due to the nature of the relationship with my ex, things never got back to “ normal “ as my stoma was considered repulsive and wasn’t spoken about.

Second stoma

After my stoma surgery in 2016, I was back to resuming sexual activity 3 weeks post operative and things were fine. I had a few issues following my surgery in a 2 year period, I have extensive scar tissue in my uterus and surrounding areas, this has caused things to be a bit tight on the inside,much to my partners detriment, lets just say something got ripped. We both learned after this and started using lubricants to help and to avoid permanent damage and mental scars for the both of us..

I do sometimes think that the bag kind of ruins the spontaneity , nothing quite beats Oh crap, I need to empty and having to do the quickest empty and hand wash you’ve either seen, I have to admit that it wasn’t an issue whilst in Paris but have to admit there are times when its more of a oh hey, I have emptied, Let’s Go….

Third stoma

Oh dear god, my third stoma was also attached to having my barbie butt surgery.

Me being rather psychotic thought sex 3 weeks post op was a fantastic idea (pain meds have a lot to answer for!). Honestly I shouldn’t have tried it, but I did and got a stern telling off from my recovery nurse as that was apparently the equivalent of brutality on my rather sensitive insides that close to surgery.

At the time I asked my nurse when would the right time to resume sexual activities be? She said she had never been asked and that she doesn’t know.

This for me was rather confusing, when is the right time? How do you know? What if my body is sending mixed signals?

Re-engaging after surgery

Everyone’s recovery period is different, there are no right or wrong ways of getting back to normal with your sexual habits.

It is perfectly normal to be nervous, for me it was pretty much the equivalent of it being my first time again.

Foremost you need to make sure that you are ready, there is no harm in saying no if things feel uncomfortable. Mood settings may make you more anxious as there is sometimes an expectation from having a romantic evening and what that ultimately leads to.

Warming up and getting used to things will help, being intimate does not just mean having sex, cuddles, kissing, massage and foreplay will all lead to you being in the right mood and frame of mind to be ready for penetrative sex.

It may take you a few attempts before getting to that point, if at any point it hurts or you are feeling uncomfortable, then stop and go back to what you were doing previously.

Intimacy post op for me

I have a pretty healthy sex life even though we have been together for 8 years it is something that we both enjoy and I feel it brings a closeness and intimacy to our relationship.

I have been having pain during and after sex, this is thanks to a rather large inclusion cyst that I am awaiting surgery for, I will also be having a hysterectomy having started chemical menopause at the back end of 2023. I have just adopted to positions that work for me at this current time.

The Modavi also helps me feel more attractive and the fold up function of the bag makes it less bulky and it doesn’t get in the way.

Should any of you have any female related questions you wish to ask then don’t hesitate to message me, nothing really daunts or scares me these days and I am pretty open and honest.

As always

Many thanks for reading

Louise | @crohnsfighting Xx